By Christina Lampkin
Who are you? Can you without a shadow of a doubt answer that question? Can you throw away all the ideas that you have conformed on what the perception of you should or does look like? So, who are you?
A little transparency on my part, I struggle with this ALOT. I don’t like sharing my thoughts out loud. I have the fear of being judged. I never thought I would be in my 30’s struggling with my identity, my boundaries, just struggling with myself. But here I am writing my thoughts for anybody who wants to read them because I call myself being “obedient" to God. We’re all on a journey right? In my journal I found myself asking myself, who is Christina? Aside from being a mother, daughter, sister, friend. In my 30’s I should know this RIGHT?!
Just recently I have been feeling God tugging on me to stop all the noise and sit in silence. I like to listen to podcasts and watch sermons online. So much so that something has to be on for me to listen to at all times. And just recently God made me realize that I don’t like sitting alone in silence with my own thoughts. How could I possibly know who I am or the woman I am becoming, when I can’t even sit with her in silence? Is it because I won’t like what she has to say about me? Will she tell me I am a pushover or that I’ve made too many mistakes in life? Will she say anything? Does God want me to sit in silence to hear him more clearly? But what if He doesn't say anything, what if I don't understand, what if I don't like what it is that He's trying to tell me? ( I am truly the definition of a overthinker, this I do know about myself lol)
I found myself upset with God because I felt like He was stripping away from me everything that made me comfortable. But even with being upset with Him He made me realize if He wasn’t my total comfort in the first place, then maybe that’s why it had to be stripped.
I guess then I have to ask myself the question of acceptance. Can someone truly accept themselves without fully knowing who they are or who they are becoming?
Yes, I think you can. Even though my life has changed so much in the past few years, I love the idea that it’s evolving. I am evolving, I am starting to learn more about me. I am not the woman I was five years ago, I don’t even think I am the woman I was a year ago. I am starting to fall in love with the mistakes, because those are the moments when God truly meets me where I am at. I can either hold myself accountable for the things I choose to participate in or try to find the blame in others. I choose accountability. This season has brought some things that has pushed buttons that I didn’t even know existed. It has me continually asking for Grace and also then extending it ( because we can’t ask for His Mercy and Grace and then not show it right).
So who are you? Are you the same person you were ten, five, or even one year ago? Are you like me evolving? Not comfortable in the change but accepting it's who you are at the moment. If you are, I hope you’re as eager as I am to meet the person waiting on the other side of the evolution.
As always please feel free to comment or email us at the email on the contact page. I hope everyone had a safe and productive weekend! I’ll leave you with an online sermon that I watched recently. Stay blessed and as always You Can Do It!!
https://youtu.be/MdPxHthqoC8?si=8iFaP17Hv7KULEKo
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